In reviewing the past five-ten years of goal lists there I noticed one common thing on my list every year.....”exercise more and lose ten pounds”. I would guess that I have lost and gained those 10 pounds at least 10 to 15 times over the past 10 years all the time living in a constant state of self-hate and loathing over my inability to keep the weight off. I would literally spend the whole year in a love hate relationship with myself depending on my weight. What a ridiculous thing to do. What a waste of precious time! Now I know I am not alone here. Being in my fifth decade I realized that it was time to put up or shut up- do something long-term about my health and fitness or shut the negative voices in my head down and start being kinder to myself. I needed a kinder gentler philosophy, a shift of mind. Geez, how about if I just treated myself with the kindness, patience and grace I held for others in my life?
I had been reading Jane Fonda’s new book Prime Time. She says “We are not meant to be perfect, we are meant to be whole.” I am sure I already knew this. It was buried somewhere in my subconscious, but it struck me as a news flash! 2011 was a marriage of difficult times and victories both professionally and personally. BUT, were my actions this past year driven by the desire to be perfect or were they enhancing me as a “whole” physically, spiritually and mentally? Confession! I was injected with the “need to be perfect vaccination” at birth I swear! Anyone else want to throw their hand up?
We all have the same twelve months and a clean slate for new opportunities, new chances to jump out of a plane, repel off a cliff or whatever works for us. My past thoughts were every New Year would be the same, predicting ahead of time the lies and impatience I would have for myself. This year, I am going to take advantage of my new learning from last year....about food, my body, my mind and my spirit and how they are all connected and really all make me whole. I realized I had been doing a lot of things with others in mind and not myself. Over time I had lost my true self and my self-expression. Reviewing last year- What moments were priceless? Did I use my free time productively? Was I pleased with the choices I made? What was my best purchase? When was I the happiest? Some of these I didn't have an answer for.
Funny thing about time- “It is priceless, we can’t own it but we can use it. We can spend it but we can’t keep it. Once you’ve lost it you can never get it back.”-Harvey MacKay. Life moves along regardless of what I am doing. I get to decide the focus. As Leonard Cohen weighs in on perfection by saying- “Everything has cracks. That’s how the light gets in.” YAY! Time to change it up! To hell with anything, anyone, and any behaviour that does not enhance who I already am! My goal is to slow down, and start living my life in ways that enhance me as a whole. To spend my time wisely focused and present, and being a vibrant total package of ME! I am thinking a half-marathon, a Tough Mudder circuit, leopard and orange lipstick may be involved *wink*- I know, and the sky is the limit, so time to take off-not sure if wings or a seat belt will be the most useful? This should be an interesting year!
Dana
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